Darwin Awards

My lovely friend Helen sent me these, and I had to post them as I nearly expired with laughter!

2006 Darwin Awards

Yes, it's again that magical time of the year when the Darwin Awards are bestowed, honoring the least evolved among us. Here is the glorious Winner:

1. When his 38-caliber revolver failed to fire at his intended victim during a hold-up in Long Beach, California , would-be robber James Elliot did something that can only inspire wonder. He peered down the barrel and tried the trigger again. This time it worked.

And now, the Honorable Mentions:

2. The chef at a hotel in Switzerland lost a finger in a meat-cutting machine and submitted a claim to his insurance company. The company, expecting negligence, sent out one of its men to have a look for himself. He tried the machine and he also lost a finger. The chef's claim was approved.

3. A man who shoveled snow for an hour to clear a space for his car during a blizzard in Chicago returned with his vehicle to find a woman had taken the space. Understandably, he shot her.

4. After stopping for drinks at an illegal bar, a Zimbabwean bus driver found that the 20 mental patients he was supposed to be transporting from Harare to Bulawayo had escaped. Not wanting to admit his incompetence, the driver went to a nearby bus stop and offered everyone waiting there a free ride. He then delivered the passengers to the mental hospital, telling the staff that the patients were very excitable and prone to bizarre fantasies. The deception wasn't discovered for 3 days.

5. An American teenager was in the hospital recovering from serious head wounds received from an oncoming train. hen asked how he received the injuries, the lad told police that he was simply trying to see how close he could get his head to a moving train before he was hit.

6. A man walked into a Louisiana Circle-K, put a $20 bill on the counter, and asked for change. When the clerk opened the cash drawer,the man pulled a gun and asked for all the cash in the register, which the clerk promptly provided. The man took the cash from the clerk and fled, leaving the $20 bill on the counter. The total amount of cash he got from the drawer: $15. (If someone points a gun at you and gives you money, is a crime committed?)

7. Seems an Arkansas guy wanted some beer pretty badly. He decided that he'd just throw a cinder block through a liquor store window, grab some booze, and run. So he lifted the cinder block and heaved it over his head at the window. The cinder block bounced back and hit the would-be thief on the head, knocking him unconscious. The liquor store window was made of Plexiglas. The whole event was caught on videotape.

8. As a female shopper exited a New York convenience store, a man grabbed her purse and ran. The clerk called 911 immediately, and the woman was able to give them a detailed description of the snatcher. Within minutes, the police apprehended the snatcher. They put him in the car and drove back to the store. The thief was then taken out of the car and told to stand there for a positive ID. To which he replied, "Yes, officer, that's her. That's the lady I stole the purse from."

9. The Ann Arbor News crime column reported that a man walked into a Burger King in Ypsilanti , Michigan , at 5 a.m. , flashed a gun, and demanded cash. The clerk turned him down because he said he couldn't open the cash register without a food order. When the man ordered onion rings, the clerk said they weren't available for breakfast. The man, frustrated, walked away.

******A 5-STAR STUPIDITY AWARD WINNER*****
10. When a man attempted to siphon gasoline from a motor home parked on a Seattle Street, he got much more than he bargained for. Police arrived at the scene to find a very sick man curled up next to a motor home near spilled sewage. A police spokesman said that the man admitted to trying to steal gasoline and plugged his siphon hose into the motor home's sewage tank by mistake. The owner of the vehicle declined to press charges, saying that it was the best laugh he'd ever had.

Its official.....

.....I am diabetic-bugger. I have it on the authority of Dr Adler the specialist Diabetic Consultant who also covers the CF Clinic. I am not type 1 or type 2 but instead I am a PWCFRD or person-with-Cystic-Fibrosis-related-diabetes. At last I have achieved my ambition of becoming an acronym! This does all suck rather spectacularly, but I am not on insulin yet, which is good. Also good is that fact that I now get all my drugs free- don't ask me why diabetics get free medication and PWCF don't, I have no idea and will probably start off on another rant! So I shall be monitoring my sugar levels and trying to adjust my diet from quick release high sugar foods, to slow release high sugar foods. Its all rather complicated as I need lots of calories to keep my weight up for the CF, so I can't switch to low fat foods which is one option for people with non cf related diabetes. But I now also need to stop having sugar levels that seesaw between very low and very high, which may result in nasty things like feeling really horrible and then hypo or hyper glycemeia. I am not yet sure what this means exactly for what I eat, but no one is making me give up chocolate!

2007 so far....

Well, another festive period and New Year has passed, and I am happy to say I did not spend all of my time reminiscing about this time last year, or sulking about being single, just a little bit:-)As usual I ate too much and was totally exhausted by the two under-fives of the family tearing around on massive sugar highs.

We all went up to Aberdeen last weekend for the wedding of my honorary Aunt Judith, which was lovely. She has been friends with my mum since they were both fie years old (altogether now- ahhhhh!) and got married for the first time at the age of 62, thereby showing all the rest of us that it really is never too late-hurrah. The service was very high church and I did feel rather like a fish out of water, not knowing all the correct responses or any of the hymns, which were rather obscure. The meal afterwards tho was truly amazing! Both Judith and her new husband Crawford appreciate the finer things of life and the meal was just gorgeous. If you are ever i Aberdeen go to the Marcliffe hotel for dinner as they even made me like the haggis-it was that good ;-)

My overwhelming impression of Aberdeen itself was grey: grey buildings, grey weather, grey sea. Although I've got to say that all the people I met, both at the wedding and working at the hotel and places we went were all really nice, and considering the weather remarkably cheery and chirpy. The only problem was the bloody train journey home. The train from Aberdeen to Peterborough got stuck twice at either signal failure or safety checks and we were an hour late into Peterborough, which meant we missed our connection. The train we got on instead was the only Stansted Express of the whole day which did not stop at Audley End (why??? why?? Not even the guard knew) and so we had to hop off at Cambridge, leg it down the platform and jump on another train that did finally get us home, 2 and a half hours late.... I just love public transport!

So, so far 2007 has been pretty good, although it will probably go completely down hill on Wednesday when I have the dubious pleasure of going to the combined Cystic Fibrosis and Diabetes clinic, so that the Diabetic consultant can take a look at me and decide that I'm now diabetic too. I have been expecting it, as it happens to about 7o% of PWCF (people with CF) of my age and is increasingly likely as you get older. It just sucks, as I'll probably have to start injecting insulin and I am now going to be officially cystic, asthmatic and diabetic. Maybe I should also try and become geriatric, lunatic and romantic, and anything else I can think of ending in 'ic'. Suggestions on a postcard...